introduction

This is going to be a very interesting personal journey that I am going to embark upon. I have been repressed for many years and my true self has been kicking and screaming inside trying to be heard. But I’ve just always said everything that was the right thing to say and done all the right things to do. So this is the first step in my journey so bare with me on this. I’ve blogged in the past but have always censored myself in fear of being found out.

Anyways here it goes…

I am one of the most interesting people you will ever meet and trust me I am not just saying that. I am a writer, poet, singer, musician, actor, former model, photographer, designer, cook, current academic and former band geek and I just want to be loved! I happen to be an early 20 something closeted gay man who also happens to be from the Caribbean. Unique and drowning in a world of fake smiles, even faker friends and a steady supply of self-directed self-conscious, self-loathing criticism. I’ve secretly gone to therapy and apparently I am not crazy just experiencing feelings of loneliness rooted in existential isolation oh and my university faculty breeds mental illness in spades. I am in the middle of an examination period and I should be putting in my usual 10-12 hours a day but it just ain’t happening right now.

I feel better already maybe I can get the courage to stand up to my family and say NO I will not be controlled. Say fuck all you island homophobes and your warped view of the world. Courage what a word I wish there wasn’t the whole couRAGE part. Taking control of my happiness is a priority because I am tired of taking happiness only when it is given by someone else. I am the only person that can sustain my happiness so I should be the one generating it in the first place. I may just be able to do it anonymously for now but I hope I can be interesting enough to that people would actually enjoy reading about me and my lonely island boy life.