What shall I speak about today? I have no idea I suppose I should make a personal entry. I am sic and tired of being marginalized and limited by my sexuality or fear of what others think about it. I am sick and tired of fucking ignorant people! Sometimes I really feel like kicking some people in the mouth when they start to spew hate speak.
I am also quite fed up with life in the Caribbean. Being gay in the Caribbean really really sucks. No matter how much you try to move past issues regarding sexuality you get stuck. Right now I am at a point where I would like to be true to myself and let the people I care about know the real me but I am still hesitant. Depression is very real for me and I live in it everyday. I play pretend like nothing is wrong and try to be the funny, happy guy but there is only so long one can carry on like this before the mask begins to erode.
Slowly you become trapped deeper and deeper into the shell of a person you know are aren't. You pretend so much that you no longer know who you really are anymore. I just want someone to love me despite of all my flaws and because of the person I really am. I am a cynic but I am an idealist at heart but I only really desire someone where things just feel right. It does not have to be perfect but as long as there is love and respect I will be happy.
I suppose I just need to relax and just breathe but I am having difficulty doing that because I am miserable! Men make me miserable. But I rather be discontent in being true to myself than absolutely and utterly inconsolable unhappy and lost living a lie.
LIBs
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