Moving Ahead...one coke at a time

Well I guess I am supposed to make some smart comment on my life as a lonely perpetual student in some far flung corner of the world where I cannot be myself. But I think I may need to tone down my fear induced anger in order to grow and change as a person.

I told myself that I would write a sincere blog about my true thoughts and I have been writing totally contrived diatribes about myself living in a world which I hold such contempt for. So I think I will be a but more honest and maybe I can use this blog as a means of venting my frustration and maybe be a catalyst for change.

I almost completely certain that this blog is being read by approximately 0 people which should probably make it easy to do. But I have a deep seated fear of being identified but I mean how egotistical of me to even imagine that someone would waste their time to learn the identity and dwelling place of a blogger who operates a blog which has 0 readers.

So today, although I felt like total crap for the majority of the day, it all improved with a bottle of coke and some foul tasting imitation chocolate thingy well mostly the Coca Cola. 

Who knew that a carbonated beverage could improve your quality of life while slowly killing you inside. I think this is one of the great ironies of life but I will pretend that it is the best damn thing since psychoactive drugs! Oh wait it is!!!

LIBs

Note to self

Okay so I've been sort of ignoring this blog for some months and promising myself that I would post more and more and develop myself. But I have been too lazy to type anything and then complain about my life being too boring. Hope fully I can overcome this force of mediocrity and enjoy life.

I hate you

I hate you for caring so much

I hate you for being so understanding and so fucking astute

I hate you for being such a doormat and the occasional narcissist

You are such a cunt sometimes you better just forget about even trying sometimes

You waste your time with buggers you don’t even like

Come on we all know you don’t even like yourself…

You are so weak for never fighting for what you ought to and too stupid to know what to fight for indeed. You are not fat despite actually being so sometimes and no one cares if you are anyway. Just stop being such a fucking punk!

Drifter

Floating along down the bends of life

Not quite sure the purpose or the method

Drifting through time and the illusions of life

Threading water in an ocean of hurt, a sea of expectation

 

Waiting for a moment of clarity to come along

A piece of driftwood, a shred of dignity, a sight of hope

A long lost love, a friend, intimacy, truth, peace

Trying not to go under, struggling in fear

 

Then I see it in the distance, the thing I need most to survive

But yet it eludes me, why?

Currents so strong, so fierce, unwavering, yet I stand defiant

I struggle and grab hold and finally find rest for a mere moment, as it all falls apart

 

I’d like to tell myself it served its purpose well

Even if just for a few fleeting moments of rest

Saved momentarily by one as battered

But it is only a lie, a means to lessen the blow of the loss of my sunken ship

 

Constant reminders of a complicated past masquerading as hope for the future.

HOT Music: Sam Sparro

I love Electro-Pop as you can probably tell. I just found out about this cool artist Sam Sparro on iTunes the other day and really got to loving his song Black and Gold. If you've been reading before I took a break I tend to be ahead of the rest in terms of music. I told you about The Ting Tings and Leona Lewis who have taken the world by storm.

 

Sam Sparro

Sam Sparro (born Sam Falson on 8 November 1982) is a producer, songwriter and performer, and former child actor. His stage name was originally a family nickname which came from the Australian radio mascot Sammy Sparrow. He is signed to UK-based record label, Island Records.

He is a super hot, talented, openly gay (already taken sorry fellas) artist. The video is very creative I love it. I love me some Sam I am downloading the album as we speak! For more info visit http://www.samsparro.com  Anyway, here is the video for Black & Gold by Sam Sparro.

PEREZ YOU FUCKER!

As if the J.C. Chasez thing wasn't enough, once again Perez Hilton is stirring up trouble the only things he knows how by posting on this on this blog yesterday. It is alleged that Gossip Girl stars and roommates Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick are gay lovers and were seen kissing in Crawford's trailer on set.

                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                 Chase Crawford

 

 

 

Well yesterday (Friday 27th June) was Ed's birthday and apparently Chace suddenly canceled and was unable to attend Ed's birthday party in Las Vegas on Friday. I think it is horrible that these guys can't even be regular guys with roommates without all this speculation.

Ed Westwick

Personally I do not believe that they are gay. But one of two things:

Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford

1. Perez got paid to plant this story to stir a firestorm of spectulaiton and interest for the next seaon of Gossip Girl. Based on what has been said the CW is in desperate need of monster ratings to stay afloat next season.

2. They are in love and are together in a relationship and Perez is shitting all over their happiness. In this case I think it is very unfair to them to have their privacy invaded like this and then pushing them forgoe being together at such a special time.

In either case Perez you should be ashmed you Media Whore! Just because no one cares who you're dating doesn't mean you can't be happy for others and must always cause people pain. I know I keep going back to Perez Hilton's site but I think that of late Perez is planting too many stories and is not doing the great detective work that he used to do in the past.

Anyways Happy Birthday Ed! I can't wait for the next season of Gossip Girl! Chace don't let Perez get to you he is just jealous because he can't get you! lol

LIBs

Sad state of affairs...Jamaican PM Speaks

The state of mind of many in the Caribbean...Here is a video of a now infamous BBC interview of Jamaican Prime Minister Bruce Golding. Despite Jamaica's spiraling economic difficulties and rampant large scale organized criminal activity the PM here is fixated on the exclusion of gays from mainstream society.


Bruce Golding - BBC Hard Talk Pt. 1


Bruce Golding - BBC Hard Talk Pt. 2


Bruce Golding - BBC Hard Talk Pt. 3

LIBs

Been A Long Time...

It has been a long time and I am not quite sure if I was tired of life or just swamped by work but I have not blogged in quite a while. I am have been experiencing some depression and have been trying to take steps to address this issue with minimal success. I fall in love too easily and give my heart and my body to those who do not love me and ignore those who do. I am not quite sure why I seem to push people away so easily and embrace those who want me the least. However this is my existence and I hope I can improve.

Why is it so difficult to get what you truly need and not just what you want. I think I may just have to go for it head on without caring what anyone thinks. I recently told a guy that was in my life very briefly that I liked him on the advice of a friend and it turned out the feelings were not reciprocated yet again. He is nice to me but the truth is I will never see him again as he goes back to where he lives. Such is the life of those that live in paradise. The young handsome knight you wish to come and rescue you from a life of loneliness and resentment always returns to his real life and forgets all about you. Should I even try?