Note to self

Okay so I've been sort of ignoring this blog for some months and promising myself that I would post more and more and develop myself. But I have been too lazy to type anything and then complain about my life being too boring. Hope fully I can overcome this force of mediocrity and enjoy life.

I hate you

I hate you for caring so much

I hate you for being so understanding and so fucking astute

I hate you for being such a doormat and the occasional narcissist

You are such a cunt sometimes you better just forget about even trying sometimes

You waste your time with buggers you don’t even like

Come on we all know you don’t even like yourself…

You are so weak for never fighting for what you ought to and too stupid to know what to fight for indeed. You are not fat despite actually being so sometimes and no one cares if you are anyway. Just stop being such a fucking punk!

Drifter

Floating along down the bends of life

Not quite sure the purpose or the method

Drifting through time and the illusions of life

Threading water in an ocean of hurt, a sea of expectation

 

Waiting for a moment of clarity to come along

A piece of driftwood, a shred of dignity, a sight of hope

A long lost love, a friend, intimacy, truth, peace

Trying not to go under, struggling in fear

 

Then I see it in the distance, the thing I need most to survive

But yet it eludes me, why?

Currents so strong, so fierce, unwavering, yet I stand defiant

I struggle and grab hold and finally find rest for a mere moment, as it all falls apart

 

I’d like to tell myself it served its purpose well

Even if just for a few fleeting moments of rest

Saved momentarily by one as battered

But it is only a lie, a means to lessen the blow of the loss of my sunken ship

 

Constant reminders of a complicated past masquerading as hope for the future.